I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
