The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
