I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
