I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
