my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
