wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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