I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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