hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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