Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
