id be glad to
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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