It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
