i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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