I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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