In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Acid is not a monday night drug
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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