he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
