WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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