youre lurking in front of me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
