I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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