New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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