what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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