Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
