Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
