Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
