I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
