He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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