Christians are straight up FREAKS
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
