with your own penis?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
