im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
