Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
