??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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