I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
