I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
