then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
