How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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