My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
