you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
