I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
