u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
