You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
