ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
