just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
