U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
