She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
