but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
how drunk are you?
Several
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
