He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
