Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
