Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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