I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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