So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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