at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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