just come out here and I will go home with you...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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