Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
