It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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