You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
